Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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