some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
