Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
