Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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