Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
