is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
