i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
