So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
