Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Houston, we have a blender
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
