??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
