it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
