So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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