i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
