I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
