Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That accounts for only three of the penises
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
