I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
