a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
