Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
