i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The best revenge is premature balding
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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