There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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