Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
