We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
