so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
