I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
