we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
as a side note pls kill me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I forget how to act sober
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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