If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
