he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
