Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
