The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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