is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
