i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
