He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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