If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
