Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
