how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
