my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
