I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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