your parents love me but you hate me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
