allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
