You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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