Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
