my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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