What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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