I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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