she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
