I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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