My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
