I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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