1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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