drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
