Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Duck Duck Cougar?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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