I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
