wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
