Im at strip club and am horny
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
